Help Wanted: Apply Within

Help Wanted: Chief Executive of the United States. Apply at: 1450 Pennsylvania Ave SE Washington, DC 20003-3029(202) 208-1631
Current resident has no clue what is going on in the world.
Qualifications: No bowing to leaders of the world
No bringing terrorists to the U.S. for a civilian trial.
No bankrupting the country with huge deficit spending.
No stimulus without the guarantee of jobs and don't fudge the numbers.
Have a belief in small business and believe in the private sector.
Have a belief that government is not the solution to all problems.
At least pretend you like the military.
Don't demonize businesses or people.
Have a basic knowledge of economics.
When you hire subordinates please check their resumes. Those who have a liking towards Chavez, Mao or Castro shall not be hired.
Actually have had a real job in your life time.
Community organizers and university professors are not eligible to apply.
Have a belief that is not all about you.
Deadline is 2011 with an election of 2012.
Good luck. Third parties are encouraged to apply.