Wednesday, August 5, 2015

In Other News, Kermit Comes Out As a Transgendered Frog

From The NY Daily News: Breaking up is hard to do, but so many celebrity couples have taken a trip to Splitsville this summer. It’s a bummer to hear about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, Reba McEntire and Narvel Blackstock, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale.
But it’s really word of the latest Hollywood split that has us in a tizzy.
It’s just so hard to wrap our minds around the fact that Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are kaput. They always looked so happy together until Tuesday, when he told reporters that his life had become “a bacon-wrapped hell.”
KLG: I’m sorry, but I saw this coming years ago.
HK: Yeah, Kath always did. She always said the frog seemed to have a wandering eye, and Miss Piggy ... what a temper.
KLG: I’ll say it. The last time he was here, Kermit was flirting with me and Hoda.
HK: That green little guy seemed a little hot to trot when he was around.
KLG: He was even flirting with Wrangler, our “Today” show dog. Hey, it’s 2015. We don’t judge. What's so wrong about a little interspecies mingling? But know what, the porker should have just understood it for just the light flirtation that it was, but she made such a pig of herself.
HK: Yes. But as we all know, Kermit’s got a thing for pigs.
KLG: I said to Miss Piggy, “Really, if you don’t nip this thing in the bud, it’s going to take over.” Jealousy is a horrible, horrible thing.
HK: It was all her.
KLG: We’re total Team Kermie.
HK: But who should Miss Piggy date? Who should the pig date?
KLG: The pig should date …
HK: A giant hog.
KLG: I think she should date the Oscar Mayer weiner.
KLG= Kathie Lee Gifford and HK= Hoda, somebody I never heard of.
But the real reason why Kermit and Miss Piggy is that soon, Kermit will come out as a transgendered frog- who dresses in Lady Froggy clothes.  The only problem is that Kermit was crossing the lily pads when he lost control and hit another frog in the butt, causing them to fall off the pad, and then they were eaten by an alligator.
Kermit is now facing a wrongful death lawsuit, with the dead frog's family suing for every dead fly Kermit has stored up in the local rotting log.
However, the liberal frog media, FSN- Frog Sporting Network, they will give Kermit, whose name is now Frogalina, a FSPY for Kermit's bravery for coming out and being a role model for other male tadpoles who may want to come out later on in life.
And the Frog Lifetime cable TV network has decided to give Frogalina his own reality show, "I Am Frogalina".  However, the show was scrapped after a month when the ratings were horrible and because no one really cared.
Finally, Miss Piggy said she supported Frogalina choices, just before she was sold to Arby's and became brown sugar bacon.

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